VINCE MCMAHON

Vincent Kennedy "Vince" McMahon (born August 24, 1945)[3] is an American professional wrestling promoter, formerannouncer, commentator, film producer, actor and occasional professional wrestler currently serving as majority owner,Chairman and CEO of Stamford, Connecticut-based professional wrestling promotion World Wrestling Entertainment (WWE). After acquiring the assets of World Championship Wrestling (WCW) and Extreme Championship Wrestling(ECW) in 2001 and 2003 respectively, McMahon's WWE became the sole remaining major American professional wrestling promotion (prior to the national expansion of two new promotions, T otal Nonstop Action Wrestling founded byJeff Jarrett and Ring of Honor headed by Rob Feinstein). (THIS IS BULLSHIT, AUSTIN! IT WAS ALL ME, I WAS BEHIND IT ALL ALONG, AUSTIN!)

LIKES: WRESLING, VINCE MCMAHON, JOHN CENA, JOHN CENA, WRESTLING, AND VINCE MCMAHON!

DISLIKES: BENOIT! EVERY WRESTLER BEFORE THE ATTITUDE ERA! EVERYONE WHO ISN'T ME AND JOHN CENA!

''' THE FIRST KICK! '''

McMahon was born on August 24, 1945 in Pinehurst, North Carolina. McMahon is of Irish Catholic ancestry. McMahon's father, Vincent James McMahon, had left the family while McMahon was still a baby, taking his elder son, Rod, with him. McMahon did not meet his father until age 12. Vince spent the majority of his childhood living with his mother and a string of stepfathers.[6] According to an interview with Playboy, he attended and graduated, in 1964, from Fishburne Military School in Waynesboro, Virginia. McMahon claimed one of his stepfathers, Leo Lupton, used to beat his mother and attacked him when he tried to protect her.[7] He said, "It is unfortunate that he died before I could kill him. I would have enjoyed that."[7] In his early life, McMahon also overcame dyslexia.[8][9]

ALL LIES, AUSTIN! I'VE GOT THE REAL TRUTH DOWN BELOW!

OUR STORY BEGINS IN THE WOMB! OR, TO BE MORE ACCURATE, THE EGG AT THE BEGINING OF TIME! BECAUSE AS EVERYONE KNOWS, I, VINCE MCMAHON AM THE SOLE CREATOR BEHIND THE UNIVERSE, SPACE AND TIME AND THUS WE COULD NOT LIVE WITHOUT MY BIRTH, AUSTIN! FOR MOST OF THE TIME BEFORE THE EGG WAS CRACKED I PRACTICED SUPLEXES, PILE DRIVERS, AND CREATED ALL THE SPECIAL MOVES THAT I TOTALLY DIDN'T STEAL FROM OTHER WRESTLERS, AUSTIN!

HOWEVER, AFTER A MILLENIA OF PRACTICING, I WAS READY TO BE UNLEASHED INTO THE GALAXY!

I WAS BORN AT 00/00/0000 THE BEGINING OF THE EXISTENCE OF TIME, AND THE FIRST THING I SPAWNED INTO THE GALAXY WAS A HUMONGOUS WRESTLING RING, CRAFTED INTO THE SHAPE OF A BALL! BUT ALAS, IT WAS IMPERFECT, SO I CLEANED ITS SURFACE FLAT, AND I WAS LEFT WITH A BALL OF CLAY! FROM THE CLAY I CREATED THE TREES, THE ANIMALS, AND THE LANDSCAPE! THE OCEANS I CREATED FROM THE SWEAT GLISTENING OFF OF MY PECS, AND THE SUN FROM NATURAL GLOW THAT EMINATED FROM MY BODY!

HOWEVER I WAS ALONE IN THIS UNIVERSE, SO I CREATED THE FIRST TWO WRESTLERS: HULK HOGAN AND CHYNA! BUT SOON I GREW BORED! AND CREATED MORE AND MORE! BILLIONS UPON BILLIONS OF WRESTLERS, INHABITING THE RING I HAD SPAWNED! BUT I CAME TO THE REALISATION! THE REST OF THE UNIVERSE IS EMPTY! SO I LEFT! LEAVING THE WRESTLERS BEHIND UNTIL I CREATED RINGS ALL THROUGHOUT THE UNIVERSE!

IT WOULD BE SOME TIME BEFORE I RETURNED, BUT WHEN I GOT BACK, I WOULD BE DISAPPOINTMENT IN WHAT I FOUND...

WORLD WRESTLING FEDERATION 1969
AFTER 1969 YEARS AND A MASSIVE SUPLEX FILLED BATTLE WITH A BIG DUDE WITH A GUY WITH A BEARD AND HIS LAME ASS SON I CAME BACK TO THE FIRST RING AND I MADE A WHOPPING DISCOVERY! THE BILLIONS OF PEOPLE I HAD MADE HAD TURNED INTO MASSIVE PANSIES! ONLY A SMALL SELECT FEW RETAINED THEIR WRESTLING ORIGINS! OTHERS JUST BECAME FOUNDERS OF THE INTERNET, OR INVENTING PENICILLIN, MAKES ME SICK, AUSTIN!

SO I INTERVINED, BECAME A COMMENTATOR! OF COURSE I HAD TO DO THIS ALL UNDERCOVER, AUSTIN! I COULDN'T ALLOW THESE GUYS TO FIGURE OUT THAT THEIR GOD WAS AMONG THEM.